Dumb & Dumber

I don’t think I’m stupid as much as dumb. And I think there’s a difference.  Stupid is as stupid does….just kidding.  I feel like stupid is a born unintelligent thing.  Nothing that can be done.  Maybe Luminosity for a couple hours a day?  That might help.  And I think dumb is just having brain farts on a consistent basis.  It’s not a school grades thing either because I didn’t get very good grades but I was a kinaesthetic learner.  I won’t get into that cause I would go on forever but when I’m all rich and famous I’m going to start the Advocacy for Kinaesthetic Learning in Schools.  (See, dumb people wouldn’t say shit like that.)  But I would have to hire someone to do that because I’m going to be too busy being all rich and famousy.

And I don’t think I’m dumb, I do dumb things.  Like one time when I was in college my roommate and I were watching tv and a commercial came on about maxi pads and the piece that you take off to expose the adhesive.  The commercial was advertising that you can use that piece to dispose of the pad.  I said, “That’s so stupid, who is going to carry that around?”  My roommate looked at me like my brains were melting out of my nose.  It dawned on me what I had just said and I was like, “Ohhhhh. Yeahhhh.  Never mind!”

Another time I was reading a magazine and there was a bunch of recipes in them.  There were a couple of words in there that my brain just could not register.  I knew I had seen them before but I just couldn’t recognize them.  Have you ever done that?  Looked at a word and it just doesn’t look right?  I finally said to my mom (and I’m going to type this phonetically)  “What the fuck is hores dovers?”  and my mom said (with a very judgy voice, I might add….)  “You mean, hors d’oeuvres?”  “Oh!  Ya that’s it!”  I said.  Then we laughed and we laughed and we laughed….

Yesterday my brain legit stopped working.  Seriously stopped working.  But it all worked out because at least I was driving and I hit a curb so the noise made my brain go, “Oh hey!  I need to work in order for my body to stay alive!”  And the big tires on the school bus didn’t affect anything.  The kids loved it – one of them actually yelled out, “We love you Cory Anne!”  I had a migraine so I think my brain just said, “you know what? I don’t feel like working any more.  Fuck off.”  Phew, good thing that doesn’t happen very often!

It’s totally my fault that I do dumb things too.  I’ve trained my brain to be lazy.  I heard – probably in junior high – that Einstein’s theory was ‘never memorize any information that is readily available to you.’ Like, back then, phone numbers because we had phone books.  So now my brain is totally lazy.  Obviously nowadays he would change his theory because everything is readily available so there would be no reason to memorize anything.  Fucking Einstein made me dumb.

And then there’s those times that you just don’t get things.  It doesn’t happen to me, of course, because I’m not that dumb but you know when someone is trying to explain something to you, I mean someone, and they just can’t get the punchline?  Like this one: (remember this from Facebook?)  There’s 30 cows in the field, 28 chickens, how many didn’t?  I remember sitting in a restaurant trying to explain this joke to someone and there was just NO getting through!  The joke is “There’s 30 cows in the field, 20 ate chickens, how many didn’t?  And then you can almost see the lightbulb go off, can’t you?  I know that lightbulb feeling…you almost feel elated when it goes off but then you’re like, oh right…I’m still dumb.

At least when I’m dumb I’m smart enough to realize that I’ve been dumb.  So that’s good.  I think…I don’t know, I’m dumb.